This is now the third installment of forgiveness I have said a lot of things about forgiveness, but I think that it is important to mention that part of forgiveness is trust. Trust is the quiet partner to forgiveness. It takes trust to forgive. It definitely makes it easy to forgive when you have trust. Without trust, forgiveness is almost nonexistent.
Why is trust so important? Trust gives us a base to work with. Trust gives us some of the tools to work through anger. If we have sometime where we can look back and and say "oh I remember this time with you, we had no issues together," then you have a reference point. Trust is really like a compass and a map. You can use the map all you want, but if you don't have your orientation right, you will just wander. Same goes for forgiveness. Are you wandering?
When you begin to forgive someone, you take the first step of saying that you forgive. The second step is actually letting the act that was against you go. The third step is to trust that the person who hurt you in the first place will never do such things again. This is sometimes the hardest part. This is where trust steps in.
Look back at your relationship with this person. What did it look like before the pain? What did it feel like before the betrayal? Chances are, there are times in which it looked and felt good. This is your reference point. This is where you begin to forgive. Now, I am not saying that you need to brush the issues aside that caused the hurt and pain, but you need to start trusting at this very point. Using this reference point is also a good point to start working on the issues that caused the relationship to falter.
What really caused the issues in this relationship? Don't begin to blame your partner or friend, but really look at how both people contributed to this.
Once you have gained a reference point and have started trusting this person, it becomes much easier to see that this person may not have been trying to hurt you, but was lost or rather misguided in their ideas or words. Sometimes people get wrapped up into their own minutia. This causes a lack of insight and clouds the future. We all make mistakes, and many times we don't mean to harm others, we just do.
So, I must ask, "do you really want to forgive, or do you want someone to pay for their transgressions?" If you want someone to pay, then you are probably unable to forgive yourself for playing a part in what has troubled the relationship. This is obviously the next step if you are truly forgiving. Probably even harder than forgiving others, is forgiving yourself, but this will have to come later.
So, as I end this, I ask again. Do you want to forgive or do you want to have someone pay the price for the rest of their life?
Ttrust to forgive. without trust we can not forgive. How to regain trust in someone who has hurt you. How long do you want them to pay for this?
Why is trust so important? Trust gives us a base to work with. Trust gives us some of the tools to work through anger. If we have sometime where we can look back and and say "oh I remember this time with you, we had no issues together," then you have a reference point. Trust is really like a compass and a map. You can use the map all you want, but if you don't have your orientation right, you will just wander. Same goes for forgiveness. Are you wandering?
When you begin to forgive someone, you take the first step of saying that you forgive. The second step is actually letting the act that was against you go. The third step is to trust that the person who hurt you in the first place will never do such things again. This is sometimes the hardest part. This is where trust steps in.
Look back at your relationship with this person. What did it look like before the pain? What did it feel like before the betrayal? Chances are, there are times in which it looked and felt good. This is your reference point. This is where you begin to forgive. Now, I am not saying that you need to brush the issues aside that caused the hurt and pain, but you need to start trusting at this very point. Using this reference point is also a good point to start working on the issues that caused the relationship to falter.
What really caused the issues in this relationship? Don't begin to blame your partner or friend, but really look at how both people contributed to this.
Once you have gained a reference point and have started trusting this person, it becomes much easier to see that this person may not have been trying to hurt you, but was lost or rather misguided in their ideas or words. Sometimes people get wrapped up into their own minutia. This causes a lack of insight and clouds the future. We all make mistakes, and many times we don't mean to harm others, we just do.
So, I must ask, "do you really want to forgive, or do you want someone to pay for their transgressions?" If you want someone to pay, then you are probably unable to forgive yourself for playing a part in what has troubled the relationship. This is obviously the next step if you are truly forgiving. Probably even harder than forgiving others, is forgiving yourself, but this will have to come later.
So, as I end this, I ask again. Do you want to forgive or do you want to have someone pay the price for the rest of their life?
Ttrust to forgive. without trust we can not forgive. How to regain trust in someone who has hurt you. How long do you want them to pay for this?
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